a late night encounter

2002-09-23 / 2:17 a.m.

Listening::
Playing::
Reading::

Did I just do something incredibly stupid? Its 2:00 in the morning and Bri just left my moms. He called me after exchanging emails. We talked and I invited him over to watch cartoon network. It wasnt what we thought was going to be on, so we didnt watch tv.

I ws so mad and hurt by his actions lately that I dont know what got into me. I do but it sounds so stupid. I love him. No matter how he hurts me or how angry I get, it truly is an unconditional love. I am smart enough to realize that right now I cant live with him, neither of us are mature enough, but I also realize the depths of my feelings for him.

I should hate him. All I want to do is hold him and know that everything is going to be okay. To be honest it scares me a great deal. I am not used to feeling this. Yes I loved Tom and I will always care for him but when it comes down to it I wouldnt move to Cali for him; my feelings werent that strong.

I dont even know whats going on now. I never understood when my friend Jeff used to talk about going to see his ex and messing around and not talking about it afterward. I assumed that meant you were together. Jeff always thought so too, till kendra. Then he didnt want to say anything and end it. He would rather be strung along and not endure the heartache of knowing it was simple convenience that kept them seeing each other. Im not that kind of girl either. I dont just sleep with people that I am not involved in, but tonight I was to scared too open my mouth. I didnt want to hear that he still wasnt sure about us. That he was not commited to us after that. I still hurt, he wounded me deeply and I will take time to heal but I still know that I will or I wouldnt have put myself in this situation. All I want is a chance to grow up. I need to and I know it. Briian needs to aswell. We should have started things off slower and I want to go back and do that not give this up. All I really know is that I love him, all I can so is hope he doesnt exploit that and that my feelings are returned...

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cabbages and kings