birthday mom

2002-09-28 / 5:22 p.m.

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its my moms birthday today and so here I ams sitting at her place trying to think about all that has happened lately.

First I went to Friends night. It was cool with Andrew there. I will never understand him or why he did what he did. I have my thoughts but thats it nothing is known and I dont think he'd ever jsut sit down and talk to me so they will always be speculation. He does make a fine lasagna though and it was greatly appreciated that he was mature enough to at least make idle conversation with me.

Wade was upset, I dont know why but I am sorry. I know it wasnt me, but I also know that its difficult and I understand.

Paige and jennifer gibbs were great. Beyond great. Jennifer talks alot but she is still very nice.

Jessica on the other hand...it must be nce to sit in the other room and be a bitch, I wouldn't know; I choose to act my age we are after all out of high school. I know I am still growing up but I AM getting some where.

THen theres Bri. I dont understand it. He can sleep with me but god forbid he hold my hand. I have decided though that I will try not to pressure him. Its just that seems backwards to me. You would think we would go get dinner, hold hands, and maybe kiss and not sleep together. But wahtever. I just dont no where we stand. I know we dont want to be in a serios relationship right now, but isnt sex serious? And I cant sleep with someone and would if they are going to meet someone else and sleep with too and it be okay cause we're not in a relationship. I dont she that happening but still. Where are we and what are the boundaries? This is what bothers me. But more than anything I just want to stay calm and not ruin it. I am trying.

Self-discovery does help. This living alone thing has really changed my perspective, and I do have faith that thngs will work out.

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cabbages and kings