faith and tears

2002-10-10 / 6:18 p.m.

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I've had a lot of fun recently, with a lot of people but now I have a problem. Okay I have several problems, but I always seem to, dont I?

First I've been hanging out with Ashley Jeff and james a lot lately. MST3k is great, especially with a group of friends. I sucessfully set up Jeff and Ashley. THey like each other. Yea!!! Unfortunately someone likes me. Yup you guessed it; its James. I feel bad, and I don't know what to say. James is a great guy but I still love brian. Brian. Another oh so lovely can of worms.

We had fun on tuesday, we were both very much trying to please the other which was nice. i had to bite my tongue though. Its hard not to say i love you to someone. Its worse to say it and not hear it in return. He was so cute and I was so happy, then Craig called and asked what was going on. It was so oddly reminecent of 8 months ago. THen he asked if brian was my boyfriend and I asked brian and he said yeah he was. THis time craig asked if we were fuck buddies or what and I had no answer. What are we? I asked and I got quasi boyfriend. I dont want that. I dont know if we even have a label. All I know is I've been asked out and I have no desire to go because I still think of us as together, but I dont trust him to make the same choices if asked out. I really dont. That has to be the saddest thing to me. I know hes hurt and I dont want to rush anything, I just want to know that I dont have to sit and wonder what hes doing when hes not with me. I dont want to be hurt anymore. I always seem to lose my heart to quickly and freely, and I dont mind at all, but this time I'm scared. I guess the new song by faith hill sums it up best. its called cry and I dont understand the lack of emotion brian seems to feel when I feel so much.

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cabbages and kings