dont misinterpret...please?!!

2002-10-21 / 12:13 p.m.

Listening::
Playing::
Reading::

Sometimes I dont even know where to begin. Life is so damn confusing when it shouldnt be.

I have a halloween costume, I'm a moulin rouge cancan dancer. Block pary here I come!!! Also I am hosting a party actually on halloween, I havent mentioned it yet to most but everyone is invited!!! Costumes optional but always apreciated.

I finally saw the princess bride. Thats what I want. Love like that. Someone to come back for me no matter what. Brian and I are fighting again. I just dont think he cares when things upset me. Im great when things are perfect, but this is real life and we just self destructed before, its not going to be easy to pick up the pieces and be perfect and never fight. I'm just so tired of not being trusted. Something bad happens and oh it must be jenn, she left so she cant be trusted. Well, I left for reasons that make me not want to trust him either, but thats no way to try and make something work. I am still going to be mad and upset when someone doesnt consider my feelings. I want to see him on the weekends cause I'm off work, well that has yet to happen. I feel like its all me, like im on trial, one screwup and i'm outta here. IT shouldnt be like that. Im human and not perfect and neither of should be on trial, we both screwed up. and not trusting me on the email is beyond hurtful, i was at work and i dont have a computer anyway. I dont want to be accused of things when this happens again, and it will because some sick indivual is out there and if I ever find out who it is I will make your life miserable, that is a promise. In all honesty we wont know who did the email thing, but whoever it was is crazy and will probably do something else and will trip up...and I will be watching. I just want to be happy, thats all. I love Brian. It should be easier than this. I want us to work it out and be happy, but we have got to learn to deal with each other better. Love is suppposed to be enough. It is for me. In the words of the great Nick Carter, whose song has become an anthem for me of late, help me figure out which way to turn... oh nicky says it best so song of the day revived for now...

I wish I could define

All the thoughts that cross my mind

They seem too big for me to choose

I don't know its what to lose when I'm

Fallin' down so far

I think I'll never see your light

Bouncin off me

Shinin down here from your eyes

(Chorus)

Help me

Figure out the difference between

Right and wrong

Weak and strong

Day and night where I belong and

Help me

Make the right decisions

Know which way to turn

Lessons to learn

Just what my purpose is here (just what my purpose is here)

Oh yeah

Its like I write the signals crossed

With messages I can't decode

Half asleep never wide awake

In a complete overload

I got so much information here

And nothing I can really grasp

I should know the truth

But i'm too afraid so I have to ask

(Chorus)

Help me (help me)

Figure out the difference between

Right and wrong

Weak and strong

Day and night where I belong and

Help me (help me)

Make the right decisions

Know which way to turn

Lessons to learn

Just what my purpose is here (oh oh)

Wanna know you

More than anything

I'll need you

In my every dream you're there for me

You love me

Oh I am no angel

Just an ordinary man

Help me figure out why

I'm stuck in the middle tryin to

Understand why I can't wind out

Such a riddle

Got my eyes crossed

Thinkin so hard and I know

I'm missin the mark

Can you help me sought out

All this emotion and its wreckin my brain

Pain intention but its still lost

And its all cause I (I) I gotta know (I gotta know, oh oh)

(Chorus)

Help me (help me)

Figure out the difference between (Oh figure out the difference)

Right and wrong

Weak and strong (oh yeah)

Day and night where I belong and (I belong)

Help me (help me)

Make the right decisions (oh yeah)

Know which way to turn (which way to turn)

Lessons to learn

Just what my purpose is here (just what my purpose is here)

Help me figure out why I'm stuck in the middle tryin to Understand why I can't wind out Such a riddle Got my eyes crossed Thinkin so hard and I know I'm missin the mark Can you help me sought out All this emotion and its wreckin my brain Pain intention but its still lost And its all cause I (I) I gotta know (I gotta know, oh oh)

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cabbages and kings