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2003-01-04 / 7:23 p.m.

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I think Im dying. My stomach stuff is back. Worse then usual. I can eat about three bites then I feel like death. My stomach burns, and I feel naseous. I have to go back to the doctor and hope I dont have to have a GI scope. I think I will have to though.

Wade and I had a fight. Mike came over spent the night. We went to go get Paige and go to Denton for coffee. It was nice. I have decided that I like electroclash music its 80's new wave mixed with progressive house. At least thats what Mike said. I can hear the eighties influence so I like it. Wade was mad that I brought Mike to his apartment but Mike was going to come in and say hello, but we were ushered out past the door. I tried. I really did. Everyone should just get along.

I havent heard from Bri in a week. Mike tried to tell me it was for the best, but I'm afraid I was having none of it. So he it let it drop and put on Lady Tron, a suprisingly appropo group for my feelings. I miss him. I think all I need is a gay man to do things with, and Brian for everything else. Some one to drive me to Denton at 1:00 am for tea. Tell me I look great when obviously I don't and rock out to eighties with me. Kinda get the stuff I dont get from Bri and then come home happy. Someone who wants to listen to me talk about hair, and clothes, and the best new little beauty trick. But then someone at home to play video games with, read with, sleep with, love. Anyway it looks like he's disapeared. I miss him. Its odd that wen I'm sad or I feel sick the first person I want to call is Brian. I want him here to tell me everything is going to be okay...Cause I don't think it is...

cabbages and kings