happy valentines day

2003-02-13 / 9:45 p.m.

Listening::
Playing::
Reading::

To the one who broke my heart,

I loved you unconditionally, through the good times and the bad. When you hurt me, when you ignored me, when you let things get to a breaking point I still loved you. I wanted you with me when I was sick, upset, or in the best of spirits, yet you never seemed to want me. I showered you with gifts, and did things I'd never do just to see you smile. I cried my self to sleep often. This was it. Something in me died tonight. I loved you completely and with all my heart, and now I will never be capable of that again with anyone. A piece off my heart is gone; no longer able to open, afraid it will just get shut out again. I can't stop crying. And oddly I wish you were here to comfort me. Yet if you were you would only be angry at the stupidity of it all, the attempt to make you feel bad, when what you never got all along was I didn't want to make you feel bad, I felt bad enough for the both of us....

To the one who was first,

If I could talk to you right now I would. I wish you were here, because though it would break your heart to see me cry over someone else, you would do everything in your power to make me smile. I miss our friendship most of all. I need to know someone ot there loves me: really loves me because right now I don't feel like anyone does. I've always been selfish with you. Used you to feel better and you knew but never stopped loving me. While my feelings faded I never doubted yours. If I ever needed you, you would be here. Maybe if you hadn't left things would be different. I wouldn't want them to be though I don't know if you even still think about me anymore. You were quite upset the last time we talked and I couldn't help you. I loved someone else. Someone who broke my heart, like I did to you, but I still wish you were here just to tell me everything was okay and to make me smile again...

��

cabbages and kings