misery

2003-03-09 / 10:07 a.m.

Listening::
Playing::
Reading::

I missed Paiges party yesterday, I didn't think she needed a cying mess to ruin her party. I am sorry but I couldn't party.

I never thought it would happen. I really thought I had found the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Though all the crap I never stopped loving him. I wish I could say I didn't now but I would be lying. I asked him not to do this at the last minute but he did. Tells me he loves me but it wouldn't be fair. That wasn't fair. Love is hard but you never stop trying. Guess I ws wrong. I wasnt enough to keep him happy. I never have been.

I went back and read an old journal that I never let him read, about Daniel. I didn't want him to see how stupid I'd been, that it ws obvious we weren't going to be together, but I couldn't give up. I supposethis one tell the same tale. On the plus Side I'm through with love, almost through with life, its highly over rated. People only hurt you and the few that you actually try to love don't ever return it. I will miss him. I have yet to stop crying. I even cried at work. It wasn't Michelle's fault, she didn't know. But when I walked in friday she asked what I was doing at work and not hanging with Brian. Maybe one day it will stop hurting, but not now. I still look up when the phone rings expecting his ring and then remembering....

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cabbages and kings