best friend

2003-06-19 / 9:07 p.m.

Listening::
Playing::
Reading::

Sympathy

Stranger than your sympathy

And this is my apology

I killed myself from the inside out

And all my fears have pushed you out

And I wished for things that I don't need

And what I chased won't set me free

And I get scared but I'm not crawlin' on my knees

Everything's all wrong

Where the hell did I think I was?

And stranger than your sympathy

Take these things, so I don't feel

I'm killing myself from the inside out

And now my head's been filled with doubt

We're taught to lead the life you choose

You know your love's run out on you

And you can't see when all your dreams aren't coming true

It's easy to forget

When you choke on the regrets

Who the hell did I think I was?

And stranger than your sympathy

And all these thoughts you stole from me

And I'm not sure where I belong

And no where's home and no more wrong

And I was in love with things I tried to make you believe I was

And I wouldn't be the one to kneel before the dreams I wanted

And all the dark and all the lies were all the empty things disguised as me

This goes out to somrone who doesn't even read this diary, but I'm hoping that one day if they stumbled across this they'd know it was for them.

I guess I'm just lonely. Incredibly so. I've always been the strong one, the one you could count on, the one who was fine no matter what in my family. I know sometimes it doesn't seem like that, but everyone always has come to me with their problems, their fears, and assumed I'd be alright. And I have been. But I guess somethings missing now. I have this hole, regrets stacked up about things I haven't done and things I've never said. Like I said I am lonely. I'm not unhappy. I have friends, I go out, have fun, but all the while I have this nagging little voice saying is this all there is? It can't be. I want so much for some things. Some times I just want some one to hug and kiss and know that everything else in the world is unimportant right now because I have them.

Friendship is everything. So important and the basis for everything else. I miss my best friend. I miss nights up till all hours talking and laughing. I miss late night trips to the store, or all night video gaming. Saturday mornings filled with frantic collecting and cartoons. I miss having a best friend. I have several people I call best friends, but what if anything do we really have in common? The day Michelle ever got up to watch cartoons and eat waffles just to be silly for a second hell would freeze over. And Mike, well he would try, but at the last minute some gay crisis would happen and then he'd postpone, not out of meanness but then he might try ro switch plans to a club. And we all know thats not me. I guess I just want someone to talk to that understands who I am and doesn't half ass listen or try to shove their interests on me...I want my best friend....

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cabbages and kings