birthday reflections

2003-07-27 / 4:41 p.m.

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I seem to be in a reflective mood of late. Maybe its because my 22nd birthday is fast approaching and I feel old. I still have at least 2 and a half years of school left one at tcc, I hate my job, and sometimes I get tired of the same old people and the same old stories. Or maybe its Brian coming back into town. Do I even want to see him? Wade asked me the other day if I still loved him. I did not even hesitate and yes just came out. But that doesn't mean I trust him. I am afraid if I see him I'll do or say something stupid. I might put my heart out there again and get hurt and frankly I don't trust him with my feelings. I'm not a fuck buddy, last time he led me to beleive we were in a relationship, and then oh look, time for him to leave so goodbye Jenn. It just doesn't work like that for me. I'm not some kid in highschool that can move on to her next crush... I guess I just want to know once and for all where I stand in his mind, because if its no where then there is no reason to call periodically disturbing my life and stiring up emotions that I have had a hard enough time quelling in the first place. I guess only time will tell. Yet I am tired of waiting for my life. I've aready taken steps to change it for the better and I will continue this journey, either with someone or not. I don't need another person to have fun, I learned that this year. I am quite good at entertaining myself. Also I'm a very capable person. So things have changed for me. I guess after this birthday we will see what new changes are in store.

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cabbages and kings