birthday blues

2003-08-04 / 7:25 p.m.

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I feel like I need to vent. My 22nd birthday came and went and just like last year the same stupid boy made me cry. Don't call the weekend before my birthday, say your going to see me when you get to town monday and then don't even call on my birthday. That is really shitty. I guess I should have expected it, in fact the most amazing thing is that I keep getting my hopes up for the guy who ripped my heart out a dozen times like somehow it won't just be a repeat of last time. I don't know what I expected, flowers, someone on my door step giving me a kiss and telling me they missed me, I don't know. I got nothing. not even a card or a lousy phone call. Then I try and rationalize it. Oh maybe he didn't get home on time, he couldn't get to a phone, etc...Well he could have found a phone and then I hear he's out with his ex girlfriend, oh wait I'm sorry "best friend" in town. Yes he did finally call, around 11:00 pm last night and no I didn't answer on purpose. I don't know how long he's been here and why he didn't call, but whatever the reasons they wheren't even good enough to warrant a voice mail. Its sad really, like I said the other day I do still love him, I try not to but it doesn't work. Lets face it, I'm not the first person he thinks to call, who he wants to see when he arrives, or even someone to hangout with at the mall. I never have played second fiddle well, ask anyone I know. If he showed up on my doorstep ready to whisk me off would I go? Of course. Is it logical to think he ever will? No. Its sad really, its hard to find someone that actually loves you completely, and he had that. Ask Wade he learned this week that even good friends are hard to come by. I guess I've lost him forever. He's someone I'll always remember, and love, and maybe it will stop hurting sometime. All I know is that next year when my birthday comes around, someone else gets my cel phome so I never hear any more promises that make me cry on number 23....

cabbages and kings