Two Words: Therapy

2004-03-16 / 5:23 p.m.

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Today I have to try to be a better person. I have to try not to stoop to the level that some people have felt the need to lower themselves to. Its dificult, I want to rant, I want go on and on in detail about how none of that is true and that person sucks but you know what, it doesn't matter. I am who I am and my friends know, and I know and really thats all that matters. I just told Daniel last night that he shouldn't care what other people thought, and I was right then and I'm right now. So that diary has been deleted from my browser and that person shall never be spoken of again.

I talked to Brian last night. I dont really know if we actually resolved anything, I know he said he's a pessimist and still doesn't think it will work out, but he still thinks we should try. Doesnt that sound like me? Maybe I rubbed off a little. I still just wish he could see how some things make me feel unimportant, mainly because if I would willingly do something, then honestly I expect it in return. I am demanding in a relationship and I know it, but I think I also give a lot too. I hope he knows that come hell or high water I would always do anything in my power to be there for him. Thats just me. Devotion is my strong point, it comes in handy sometimes. I will always stick up for you if I am devoted to you and I would pity the person who wronged you. I hope things stay ok though, for all our troubles and all the hurt feelings and tears, I do love him. People always just ask me why? Why do you stay? its simple really: love. If only the rest of life were that simple then I would be on easy street. I may bitch, I may ignore you, I may cry, but if I really and truly love you I will never hate you. Brian found it odd that I was talking to Daniel again. Yes he hurt me, yes I kinda wanted to strangle him, yes I will probably always have some sort of self issues because of every thing, but I dont hate him, I cant. Its still Daniel: and one time I loved him. I am not IN love with him anymore, but I will always love him in a different way. He was the one person there for me during a very shitty time in my life and yes, he did end up making it worse but he at least attempted to pick up the pieces for me. Besides one can always use great decorating advice and no one is better than he is. NO ONE.

On a celebratory note: Zipper comes home tomorrow!!! Yay!!! I missed him so much. I've had to take out my own trash, open my own jars, etc. HAHA It will jsut be nice having him back around. I didnt realize just how much I counted on his daily conversations and presence till they were gone. So tomorrow its drinking time to celebrate his return and also as an irish girl I need to go out and drink some green beer.

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cabbages and kings