"I couldn't drink enough to make this make sense but I think I'm gonna give it a try..."

2004-10-28 / 7:51 a.m.

Listening:: "jagged"-old 97's
Playing::
Reading::

Does anyone happen to have a bridge handy that I can jump off of? I dont get depressed easily folks but I swear its this time of year. I always throw a huge Halloween bash; every year since I moved out of my parents house, but not this year. I am just too poor. Yes it could be BYOB but I cant even afford a costume. I guess it is a good thing that I'm not celebrating. I honestly cant think of one halloween in the past four years that hasnt had some hellish event to mark its passing. I mean it; its a curse. I dont even really have a party to go to. I have a concert saturday and the block party, and jen's invited some girls from work over to watch movies Sunday but still. I cant beleive that Daniel has a party to go to and I dont. Not that hes not wonderful and popular and all that, but generally speaking I am a very popular person as well. Looks like its Jen's house with the rest of the work girls...
Oh I also got a speeding ticket in dads Rav4 the other day. He can never know. I wonder if Danny would like a speeding ticket for his birthday. Happy birthday, can you pay for my ticket? I had to borrow money from mom to pay for school so this is going to suck. I still have no prospects on a car though except I am garanteed that it is going to be a piece of shit. Thanks dad, I kinda wish I hadnt sold my car, because at least I knew what was replaced on it. (except danny needed a car and anything I can do to help *insert whipping noise here*) So basically I will have to replace the damn thing myself in 6 months when I can afford to. YAY!
Perhaps the most depressing news of all is news that I am actually happy about, just a little jealous even though it pains me to admit that. Jen and Brian got engaged. Yep Jen. Not that I dont love jen to death, but come on. I get to help plan the wedding and be in it, and all kinds of fun stuff. Really I am happy for her, and she will need my help ( I used to help my wedding planner godmother when I lived with her) plus I can get her a pastor and church for cheap, its just kinda sad. All my friends are engaged or married or have cute children. I want that. It was the wrong jen and brian damn it! It should have been me. She has a pretty ring and i want my ring back or a least a new one. Bah. I hate boys. I was already engaged once...I was supposed to be barefoot and pregnant by now. They say history repeats itself but I'm still waiting.
So yeah I'm headed for the nearest bridge if you need me

cabbages and kings