"So here I am with open arms, Hoping you’ll see what your love means to me..."

2005-03-16 / 9:30 p.m.

Listening:: Journey---open arms (my feel better song, it makes me happyand reminds me of Brian)
Playing:: baldurs gate
Reading:: diary of jack the ripper

I am going to go see Brian tomorrow. I'm excited and a little nervous. This is it; the big trip where we have to figure out how things are going to work, if things are going to work and when. Its a lot of pressure. Sometimes I dont think he even cares. He never says he does and he can be a real jerk about it. He thinks that I should know that means he cares, but sometimes a girl needs to hear it. 90% of the time I'm ok with it, but there is that 10% of the time that makes me want to cry, because I'm really fucking scared about all of this and I need some reassurance. Maybe its a weakness, but you'd think by now he'd realize that I have a few of those and just let me know that I'm moving across the country for something real and not just for something to do. Its hard to no I'm leaving and then get total apathy from the person that I'm leaving to be with.
I am just so tired today. I was out late with Paige last night, then I had to be at work early. I had a body wrap with a girl from work and it didnt make me feel so good, plus they gave us something to drink and it gave me a headache. I still have to finish packing and I have to get up super early and get dressed and ready and I'm just really stressed. I need a hug. Sorry I'm so whiny its just been a rough week, and I dont see it getting much smoother.


cabbages and kings