"Dont pretend your sorry, I know your not, YOu know you got the power to make me weak inside..."

2005-04-15 / 7:20 a.m.

Listening:: BSB-Drowning (underrated newer song that is actually one of my favs)
Playing::
Reading::

Can someone please tell me why boys think you're freaking out when you ask them a stupid question. I am moving in less then 4 months. When I leave I am going to be jobless, full of debt, short on family that is speaking to me, and generally making the biggest scariest change in the world. Yes I want to go more than anything, but its getting close to go time and I want to be damn sure before I ruin relationships, pack and quit my job that we are going through with this. I think its time to actually start discussing the logistics of it, and the ok this is what I want to do with my life talk. I have an unholy fear of moving up there and having to come back because he wasnt ready for this step. Brian doesnt talk about his feelings well. Ana G. asked me last night why we never say I love you when we get off the phone. I dont know, we used to. I do love him, I'm pretty sure he loves me. But here I am moving away from everyone I know to be with someone who cant say I love you. So you know what I wasnt freaking out, not at all until he couldnt answer a damn question last night. So I'm imperfect and I want to know for sure you want me to come up there, your not telling me you dont isnt enough. We are in panic attack territory, I might need a nitroglycerin from work. Its damn frightening to know you are going to have to depend totally on someone else for a while. Sorry that it "freaks" me out. But its high time we had a talk. Now if anyone has any ideas how to get this talk started I would appreciate it.

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cabbages and kings