2005-07-08 / 6:48 a.m.


It all seems laughably unreal, just 4 days ago he sat on my couch crying asking me not to let him do this again. He did it again. This time I guess its for real, although he is so unsure of himself he wont even speak to me. I dont think I'm going to be alright, I actually thought we were ok, he sat here while I called danny and asked if he was still available for the move. Things were good again. I wonder what is so wrong with me that he cant seem to stay in love with me when he's away from me? I just dont know what to do. I rarely feel so lost yet he makes me feel like that. disconnected. Like I'm just going through the motions till I can lay down again and cry. The worst part is actually truly believing that things had worked out that the life I had been planning for the last 8 months in Nebraska was going to happen after thinking last week it wouldnt. I've said it before but there is no one else for me and I dont think for him either. He has made a mistake and I cant fix it or even understand it. I just hope that one day I can.

cabbages and kings