2005-08-18 / 8:57 p.m.

Listening:: Take on Me--A ha
Playing:: nothing the systems are packed
Reading:: Gear for your kitchen--Alton Brown

I had this whole entry planned out, things I needed to get off my chest, feelings that when typed usually make me feel better, but oddly enough it just made me nauseous and I cant. Lets just say I'm in a qunadary here: I want a boyfriend. I admit it, I like having one. Yet what does one do when I still cry on occasion for the asshole who broke my heart? I know in my heart he wasnt ever going to be what I needed or wanted in a partner. Its just a shame I fell in love, and wasted 4 years. There is little I cant deal with but apathy is one of them. I truly believe he loved me as much as he could love anyone, yet oddly it never felt like enough, or at least what a normal person felt. So anyway I have all these well meaning friends offering set ups and planning things and I want some one; I really do. I enjoy feeling needed and being wanted. I am the weirdo who wants someone to cook for and someone to play video games with. :) Its just I dont know if I'm ready, and I dont know if its me or what. I feel old. I'm not, but sometimes you just feel that way. I guess its going to just take time. I know that at 24 I have lots of it, and for once I do seem to be focused on me, which is good. Still that doesnt make me any less sad sometimes.

cabbages and kings