a moment

2002-12-19 / 9:07 p.m.

Listening::
Playing::
Reading::

Times like these make me think that there is so much to say, but no words to say it. As much as I love my diary all I really want right now is a hug. I got my feelings hurt so bad on Wednesday. I don't really want to go into it but suffice to say that people never change even though I keep hoping they will. Maybe change is the wrong word, just to have some prior knowledge that the words they are about to say are going to hurt and maybe they should think before they say it because is it worth it to see the pain in someone's eyes?

Everyone asks me why I don't give up. Not just on him, but on other friends. People that aren't always easy to get along with, people that have no loyalty, or people that flake out often. I drove around Wednesday afternoon thinking about this. I passed all the old sights from my childhood; the house I grew up in, empty houses of old friends moved to god knows where, andeven my grandma's house on the street where I picked mulberries and ate them even though my mom said not to cause grandma said I could and she wouldn't tell. So many memories, everyone and everything lost to me now, but not by choice. I was a child and my mother sold our house, my friends moved some to other states to have a future others because their parents made them. My grandma's been dead almost ten years now. I didn't have a say in any thing. If I could have changed things would have. I dont like to give things up now. I won't if at all possible. If I say I love you then I mean it and I am willing to fight for you till the bitter end. Maybe its just plain old stuborness, but I don't want to lose anyone ever again.

And then there are times that people amaze me. I think the worst, they are not the greatest people. But I call just cause I'm sad. I now have Christmas Eve plans with Mike. Who knows if they'll happen but at the time it was what I needed to hear. That one of my best friends wanted to spend time with me. That he could sit on my couch and come up with some absolutely ridiculous idea like hooters on Christmas Eve cause, I've never been and I'm a girl and he's gay. One more stupid adventure to make me smile and the biggest hug in the world. He knew I'd been crying and that something was wrong but it didn't matter. He didn't get angry; either at me for being dumb or the other person for hurting me. HE just said okay lets make it better.

I guess I just want everyone out there to know that I love them and thanks for being there...

��

cabbages and kings