boys!!!!!

2003-10-19 / 2:03 p.m.

Listening::
Playing::
Reading::

It sounds so odd but I feel totally overwhelmed by boys...

The Halloween season is upon us and as usual there will be a party, but this party will eclipse all the previous parties by far. Its a blow out complete with decorations and my spider that took forever to find. (damn you garden ridge) Wade is indespensable, cheering me on as I lose weight for my costume, 7 pounds folks!! A great start for 2 and a half weeks of work. Wade has invited the mysterious Clint, some boy who I am being set up with. Mildly frightening, but I think I am finally ready to date again.

Speaking of boys Roger is supposedly coming to the party...hmmm...hope that won't be awkward. Maybe I should say hope I don't get too drunk, we all know my habit of revisting past mistakes.

And the biggest past mistake of all(here comes the drama folks)...Okay you're right, second biggest!! Daniel is back in town. Wade runs into my ex gay fiance at the Village. He wants to get in touch with me, so against better judgement I agree to tell him where I work. Of course he hasn't called yet. I don't know what makes me madder; the fact that he had the nerve to want to see me again or the fact that after all the back and forth with Wade to get my number he still hasn't called. He's really damned either way. Wade is naturally against this meeting and told Daniel so rather loudly. I understand why. I also kind of want to see him. Its everyones big joke about my gay ex, and I laugh and joke too but it still sucks. I never let on that sometimes it hurts. I wouldn't have gotten engaged if I didn't love him. I did. Life would have been so much easier if I could have been Mrs. Jenni Weathers. The man took care of me and besides the obvious, I think he did love me; just not like that. He always made me feel safe, as odd as that sounds. I felt loved when I was with him. Daniel was there for me when I needed someone the most, he never questioned my feeling he just listened. We all remember that fateful night: blood, tears, and booze. Bad combo, so now I don't know if I could even see him because talking about boys you like with someone that gave you the biggest diamond ring ever, and promised to love you forever, just doesn't sound so good for the mental health.

Speaking of mental health, my ex from Cali is in contact with Wade. Hates me for choosing he who shall never be named over him last November, but evidently may still love me. Wade keeps saying I could fix everything if I said the right words or knew what they were, I do. I have always know what to say to Tom, and I always will. As much as I loved *&$#%, and Daniel, Tom has always been my soulmate on some deep level. That boy makes me crazy, makes me want to murder him, and then do it like rabbits all in the same day. I know what to say, its getting him to talk to me so I can say it. Maybe I can email it to him. I don't want him to hate me. I understand how hurtful my choice was especially considering the circumstances, but I miss him. He always made me smile. Our relationship can be traced by the songs of Goo. Black Balloon, to Slide, and finally to Name. Listen to the words you'll understand. :)

also shout out to Jeffery. He has been the greatest help with this whole computer mess. I love Jeffery!! He knows so much and is so patient with me and my stupid questions.

Wish me luck with all the stupid confusing boys, and most especially with breaking the Halloween tradition of sucktacular day for Jenni. Just remember: I make a great Columbia (RHPC)!!!

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cabbages and kings