Austin was MADE for me

2004-05-04 / 11:44 p.m.

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I have never had a boy offer to completely support me before. I literally almost packed a bag and drove to Austin tonight. Today at work my friend Tim was telling me how much I would love austin and that I should go to school there, and seeing as how he went there that we should take a mini trip this summer and hang out down there. I wrote Daniel an email and apparently he thought it meant that I was thinking about moving doen there to live with him and he got all excited. I told him I couldnt afford to and he said that he already pays rent and utilities now anyway, so I should just come on. At first I really thought he was joking. It was cute. Then he started asking me about how much furniture I had and what we would keep and where it could go in his apartment. No kidding. i almost had a heart attack. Some one pass the nitroquick.

So I start thinking about it. I would love to have a roommate, especially one that didnt make me pay for rent. I mean come on, how awesome is that? We would go to school and get loans and part time jobs. But really how feasible is it? I can't leave my family. I'm really all they have. Daniel thinks that my mom would move too. HAHAHA She loves him but still....(sidenote: Mom LOVES daniel. A lot. always has. Weird) And then there are my friends. I couldnt leave Liz. And Zipper. What would I do with out them? SO I know that Zipper is going to move to Germany and wanted me to stay with him and he said he'd support me too (what is this? I really am Queen of the Gays!) But that reality is even more far fetched. I just don't know.

Most importantly though is the whole "former fiance" thing. I never stopped loving Daniel. I freely admit that. I stopped being IN love with Daniel years ago, but I can easily see myself falling head over heels once again. I dont want to be hurt. And living with him would require me being in situations that would probably always make me uncomfortable. I'm one of those people who I may not be with you anymore but I damn sure dont want to see you with someone else. Its the whole Rachel/Ross thing on friends. Damn that show. Its just a whole barrel of what ifs. I could fall back in love, We could do something stupid, he could not fall back in love and I do (or vice versa), we could get on each others last nerve (it had been 3 years since we last saw each other), I mean the possiblities for disapointment are endless....

Yet at the same time the possibilities that it could be wonderful are endless as well. We could live happily ever after, finishing school with years of laughter to see us through instead of money. He could start his business and make millions and I could be right there helping and getting the best possible friend ever. And isnt life all about taking risks?

I know that Daniel would never intentionally hurt me. I also know that he has my best interests at heart and truly loves me. If he wasnt serious or he didnt think it could work he would never had mentioned it. It is something that I think I might consider. It wouldnt be any time soon, and it is something that might never happen. Still the offer just made my day. Hell my MONTH!!! I'd be a kept woman. (1/3 of the dream baby!! YEAH!)

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cabbages and kings