"I hope your happy with yourself, I hope you found somebody else"

2005-01-12 / 10:30 p.m.

Listening:: Wish the worst ---old 97's
Playing:: GTA III---killing hookers is good for inner rage
Reading:: Martha Stewart weddings---not really just wanted to freak out Bri!

What a day...wow. I kinda dont want to go into it because I dont want to upset Brian and I actually respect his feelings, but man was it a shitacular day. Lets just say you can find some wierd shit on the interweb. Like did you know my boyfriend cheated on me? Neither did he. I am oh so curious to find out why said lies were typed but I wont push for the answer. Untimately it doesnt involve me (yet I still hope he tells me.) I believe my boyfriend. While he may have called me a dumbass I still know he loves me very much. So I will continue to plan my wedding and pray for a classy ring from him, and pay off credit cards for the eventual move. Oddly enough I'm honestly not even angry, I feel kinda sad. Hopefully I wont ever have to deal with a situation like that again.
Speaking of weddings, he says I can either have a ring or a wedding. I want both, if only for the fact that my mother never had a wedding and i know how much she regreted it her entire life. I am still going to plan one. I promise it wont be big and it will be practically free. Besides I think Brian cares more than he lets on. He does like to admit he likes sentimental stuff but I bet he would like it more than he realizes. And I can live without a ring even though I can get him a discount. Sometimes I find it odd that we discuss marriage when we arent even really engaged. But if I dont get a ring how do I know when we are? I'm going with I need to start planning because he seems reseptive right now, and I dont know how long that will last. :) I know we are very different and we have very different ideas on whats important but oddly enough it doesnt matter. I'm sure it will all work out and we will both be happy. I think just being together will work for the both of us if it has to.

cabbages and kings